Mpd and Me

It’s 5:45am. I’ve been up again since 2am. Can’t get to sleep at all.
The wind is bellowing outside. It’s freezing cold in my friend’s flat (even though I have two winter duvets on me!).
Pain is on stupid levels. Headaches, nausea, more pain and hypersensitivity. Among other things.
Mpd has been in and out of co-consciousness every so often.
Nightmares and night terrors are becoming more frequent.
Anxiety has been through the roof lately. Taken to chewing my special spoon again and sleeping with my blankie… Can’t even think of trying to sleep without bunny plushie.
I feel really lame for getting to this point. I feel like I’m slowly regressing into being a 3 year old again…
I ended up trying to hide when I went food shopping the other day. Nearly broke down when I couldn’t find what I needed. Too many people. Too bright. Too noisy. I was absolutely terrified. Having to talk to the cashier made it even worse.
Bunny has been ‘away’ lately. His alter has been out for quite some time now. Nearly 2 and a half weeks. Not helping the depression or anxiety because I can’t even call or hug him when I need to.
I just want to sleep. Just one night where I don’t keep waking up please?
Just one day without having to travel through hell and back? Please?
Just this once?

triumphoverthetummy:

fibrojill:

I sometimes just think its easier to say I’m coping, because its so hard to explain why I’m not.

I put on my “I’m fine” face everytime I leave the house, then put my “thank goodness that’s over now I can just be me” face when I get home again.

(Source: newdaynew-me, via recoveringfromcfs)

recoveringfromcfs:

The single worst thing about this illness is trying to tell people you have to spend the rest of the day in bed.. And then they think it’s because you WANT to.

No I did not spend several years of my life in bed in a completely dark and silent room because I WANTED TO, thank you very much.